Remembrance & Due Diligence
After Funeral Party
Purpose – Determine if succession
is possible for both Joan and Aunt Joyce.
There are about 10 pages before the photo gallery. This study is mainly a vehicle to share most
of the remaining photos of our beloved Aunt Joyce (Joyce Maxine Brown
B1925-D2020).
Requirements & Specifications
Embedded Image
Figure – Living & Piano Room
Built off of:
04_Family_JMB_STR_20091102_Timelines V2021 (STR)
06_Auto_KET_Teaching_18081304_Develop V2021
07_I-Would_Managed-Passing_14110104_Facts V2021
08_Family_Involvement_18112401_Legal
08_Life_Work_Resume_19012301_V JMB
08_PEI_Catastrophic_Loss_16091002_Contents V2021
09_Program_JMB_14042501_Centered V2021 (STR)
P3D_Mng_Passing_Position_10112701 V2021
Full Title
Friday’s with Joyce by Keith
“Buster” Torkelson MS – Paying Respects – Managed Passing
Abstract Summary
Somewhere around 1961 Keith
Edward Torkelson (Buster) became aware that his Aunt Joyce (AJ) existed. At the time Buster was 2 years old and she
would bath him in the kitchen sink. AJ
is Buster’s mother’s younger and only sister.
AJ was borne in 1925 in Minnesota.
This study deals in part with Buster and AJs relationship from 2012 to
the present. AJ passed away in December
of 2020 at her house in Garden Grove California. From 2012 to 2020 Buster visited AJ frequently. Some of the visits lasted more than four (4)
hours. One average Buster visited more
than twelve (12) times per year. He
notice that very infrequently did other loved ones stop by and visit her. Buster’s sister that lived locally never
visited in eight or more years. In 2020
Busters visits cut down due to COVID. In
2012 Buster suffered what we call Catastrophic Losses. We haven’t processed these loses enough thus
we give them honorable mention.
Most Significant Other Ever
(MSOE)
Coming into 2012 Buster was
intensely spending time with his Most Significant Other Ever (MSOE) Joan. Buster and Joan have been together since
1998. In 2012 Buster lost his car and could
not attend to Joan as much as was wanted.
He linked Joan and AJ up so that Joan could have a better live in the
hard times. Joan would have both AJ and
her daughter Joy to talk to. In addition
AJ and or Joy would fix some really good food to share with Joan. For these and more reasons when addressed
2012-Present we paddle between AJ and Joan.
From 2013-2020 Buster’s AJ gifted him with several subsidies. These included: Cash, Cigarettes, Transportation,
Time Spent, and Food. They had a great
time eating the Lutefisk she would fix.
In fact Buster was her Lutefisk Buddy.
It was hard for Buster at time to let her go the distance with frank
honesty.
Beliefs V Evidence
On many an occasions Buster
detected Aunt Joyce (AJ) had Mistaken Beliefs.
A normal health person I guess just eats the mistakes and just move
on. Buster is an “Unusual” person. He would return with evidence to counter her
mistakes. In this study we track AJ’s,
Joan’s, and Buster’s Virtuosity Scores.
As we pen this Buster is still intensely grieving the loss of his Aunt
Joyce (AJ). It has been almost a year
since she died and her family has had no service. Something is promised around Christmas (2021)
so we will see. In the process of
honoring his late AJ Buster has shared a Facebook slideshow as well a
publishing a prior image driven study.
We hope to pause until AJ’s birthday in May before picking up where we
leave of here. This study was to be 95%
images yet we determined it is an opportunity for Buster to make sense of Death
and Dying. We include two other
assessments: SAGE and DABDA Grieving.
Next we share the links to some of our work done. At the end we address Lessons Learned.
Introduction
Work Done
We have published a few studies that concentrate on Buster’s
Aunt Joyce (AJ). Below find two likes to
some of our materials with a concentration about AJ and hers.
Joyce Maxine Brown a summer 2021 Tribute by Keith “Buster” Torkelson MS
https://the-torkel-saga-2059.blogspot.com/2021/09/photo-image-requirements-specifications.html
Wednesday, September 29, 2021
Casebook Family Brown Clan 2021 featuring Caden by Keith Torkelson
https://the-torkel-saga-2059.blogspot.com/2021/09/casebook-family-brown-clan-2021.html
And In the End
Out of about 10 of Aunt Joyce’s (AJ’s)
key relatives during her last year living, 2020, she was only close to 2 or 3
of them. We measure closeness as people
who physically visited her and that she liked.
Buster noted over time that AJ had frequent conflicts with the two relative
that lived with her. In due course and
hindsight both treated her pretty badly.
This study is not designed to be very loving. If AJ were still with the living we would
probably discuss some of it with her.
With about have of Buster and AJs Face-to-faces (F2Fs) they did say they
loved each other.
Remember
Songwriters: John Lennon / Paul McCartney
Joy Brown Enforces New Boundaries
For the purposes of this study
The Browns are Buster’s Aunt Joyce (AJ), her daughter Joy and her adoptive
daughter’s son Mike (Michael). They all
shared the family house in Garden Grove California. On March 19th 2020 a Thursday Buster
went to visit The Brown’s attending to his usual concentration about AJ. It was to be “Smelt” day. When he got there Joy was cooking the
Smelt. As she was preparing it Joy,
Joyce and Buster were discussing COVID.
Buster indicated that he was at risk for several reasons. For one Buster lives with what is called a
heterogeneous population. Heterogeneous
populations are considered to be at higher risk for contracting COVID. Joy determined Buster was a “Carrier” and
proceeded to kick him out. Aunt Joyce
did not get what was going on. She was a
bit alarmed that the Smelt feast was over.
Irony - Buster Tests Negative
Buster figured this could be the
end of visitations so he stopped calling Aunt Joyce to set up meetings. Eventually Aunt Joyce called Buster and said
come over. So he comes over yet was not
let in the house. He talked with Aunt
Joyce inside the house about 25 feet away.
Aunt Joyce has (had) serious hearing problems so basically that “Smelt”
day was the last time they could really talk.
The irony is that on November 25, 2021 (TH) Thanksgiving Buster’s niece
Double Doctor Kline tested Buster for COVID-19.
The results came up “Negative”. We
wonder if Joy’s boundary setting is actually the work of Mr. Take Away. If Buster were highly dependent on Aunt Joyce
as was/is Mike and Joy the loss of her resources would also be the work of The
Big Fat Foot.
Result
Attitude of Gratitude
When Buster can he practices what we call an “Attitude of Gratitude”. He basically writes things he is grateful for about a person and shares it with them in hard copy form. Below is an example from 2013 while he is setting things right after Catastrophic Losses.
Initial: 20131023: Updated: 20131024:
In: Word Most Important
Aunt Joyce - Thank You For…
Letting me engage in a year of Talk Therapy that included
yet is not limited to…
- Bringing
us to Motel 6 (Joan and Buster)
- Checking
out my Blogs
- Critiquing
my singing
- Entertaining
Joan
- Funding
some of my tasks or projects - for example new walking shoes (subsidy)
- Helping
found Tele-Links
- Helping
me out with cigarettes (subsidy)
- Joy
fixing the prawn feast
- Letting
me learn how to use an I-pad
- Letting
me sleep over the night after my MADD engagement
- News
about hiring a Tele-Links manager
- Red
Lobster (subsidy)
- Sharing
your Facebook
- Storing
my moving cart
- Taking
me to the bowling alley when I first got disabled
- Talking
about mom
- Talking
on the telephone
- The
car rides
- The
fudge, potatoes, V-8 juices, and vinegar
- The
gifts (subsidy)
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Keith Edward…Discussion
Friday’s with Joyce
Buster’s final Face-to-faces
(F2Fs) with his Aunt Joyce (AJ) were scattered about the week yet we pick
Friday’s because: Itsa great day!
FYI - Tuesdays with Morrie: An
Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson
https://www.amazon.com/Tuesdays-Morrie-Greatest-Lesson-Anniversary/dp/076790592X
“Tuesdays with Morrie, written by
Mitch Albom, is a wonderful book about the meaning of life and life's most
important lessons. Maybe it was a
grandparent, or a teacher, or a colleague. Someone older, patient and wise, who
understood you when you were young and searching, helped you see the world as a
more profound place, gave you sound advice to help you make your way through
it.”
Meaning of Life
We find that one of life’s most
important lessons is: Do not give up on personal virtuosity. Family is very likely to be a member’s best
resources. Aunt Joyce (AJ) didn’t
believe in much rest or sleep. Yet for
the majority of people rest and sleep are key factors in living a quality life
as well ask sustaining one’s well-being.
Aunt Joyce didn’t believe much in exercise yet for the majority exercise
is beneficial. AJ did believe in good
nutrition even though she didn’t understand nutrition as presented with collegiate
education. Buster will remember AJ up
until and maybe after we pass. Probably
the advice she would give others is do what you do for as long as you can. Don’t suffer too long.
Lessons Learned - MPC
We include a summary of some
lessons learned at the end of this study.
Obviously there are about 100 lessons we learned in due course about
Fridays’ With Joyce. One numerous
occasions Buster and Aunt Joyce (AJ) discussed passing. He introduced to her his Managed Passing
Concept (MPC). Her position was that she
should be able to pick when she died.
After about age 90 AJ repeatedly said she was done. The wife of her older brother had taken her
life by carbon monoxide poisoning. AJ
viewed this as an act of Empowerment. At
the time of AJ’s Death she was dependent on several life-sustaining
medications. She felt she should have
the choice to not take them and pass in her sleep.
Neo-memorialization
Corona has brought to our family
some new ways to memorialize someone.
Buster’s brother-in-law’s mother Mildred Kline passed away in her 90s
during Corona. We had a Zoom-like
service for her. Buster’s mother passed
in 1998 and his father passed in 1999.
For both of Buster’s parents his family provided for in-person funerals
and after-celebrations. Each had set
aside monies and requests that we the friends and family get-together and
celebrate their lives.
Final Wishes
For at least the last five (5)
years of Buster’s Aunt Joyce’s (AJ AKA JMB) life she wished to pass. On and off she was miserable. In a manner of speaking with each visit
Buster made the effort to draw her back into life. With some visits she was better than
others. A few times Buster visited and he
saw her in “her chair” resting he just left and let her rest. During the last year of life (2020) she gave Buster
several gifts. We saved what I could and
still have $400 towards a new smartphone.
She would be happy that Buster saved some of her gifts. She would approve purchasing a smartphone
when needed. Due to Corona Buster’s
visits became a bit restricted. Joy only
permitted him to talk only at a “Safe” distance. In
reality there was no communication because she being hard of hearing and Buster
too far away. We knew that without Buster
to challenge her she may decline rapidly.
She passed during December of 2020.
We feel this was her wish.
Figure - AJ in her Chair
Back at the House
Immediately after Aunt Joyce’s
(AJ’s) passing, Buster was given no invite to come to the house and help
straighten things out. To the best of our
knowledge that arrived via the neighbors across the street both her daughter
and her adopted daughter’s son still live in the house. When Buster visited his aunt (AJ) would often
give him goodies such as food to take home and cleaning products. We had hoped to inherit some of the goodies
in the garage refrigerator. On and off
there was alcohol to be found in AJ’s refrigerator. That we would pass on. The last meal that Buster shared with AJ was
Smelt. Buster was AJ’s Smelt, Lutefisk,
and Giblets buddy.
Re-new Grieving
For various reasons such a past
experience Buster is well along with grieving his departed Aunt Joyce (AJ). Very few family and friends were kept in the
loop when she died last December (2020).
Some of Buster’s relatives asked that he inform them about what is going
on. It has been nearly one (1) year and
no tangible services have been delivered.
Almost immediately after her passing Buster published a Memoriam on his Facebook. Buster’s cousin Claudia sees it and dumps on him
saying: “You don’t love the family”.
Most others in the Facebook Network such as AJ’s son’s wife Sue Brown’s
appreciated the effort. In hindsight
Buster provided for the family more than anyone yet. This study is part of Buster’s grieving
efforts.
Networking Effort
For many years Buster was
estranged from his Aunt Joyce (AJ) AKA Joyce Maxine Brown (JMB). Aunt Joyce is Buster’s mom’s younger and only
sister. Buster mom and Aunt Joyce were
small business partners. The distancing
was due to some incredible intra-family conflicts. Buster’s Most Significant Oher Ever (MSOE) is
Joan “The Babe”. With Joan’s support
Buster finally went to AJ’s house for a first contact. When Joan and Buster saw her at the table in
the backyard she was pretty much spiritually dead. For the next eight years or so AJ would play
good cop bad cop. Buster as far as AJ
was concerned was in quite a hole. In
2012 Buster found it prudent to move. He
ended up quite a ways from Joan. In
addition from 2012-2016 Buster did not have his car. Buster had hoped that Joy and AJ would become
good friends for Joan because their house was within distance from her
house. AJ helped Joan and Buster with their
monthly overnighters. In no time Joy and
Joyce were reporting that Joan has memory problems. Buster had been compensating for so long he
needed to see things better from their new perspectives. Yet, this association intertwines Joan with
AJ.
Joan Missing In Action (MIA)
Temporarily Buster lost track of
Joan. When he finally reached her on the
phone she was living in Colorado with one of her daughters. Over-the-phone Joan said while still in Orange
County she had fallen down. She was
transported to the hospital. Eventually
the only thing she could remember was her daughter in Colorado’s name. Hospital staff contacted her daughter. Joan’s daughter came to California and
rescued Joan. We have a feeling that her
daughter thought Joan had hidden money.
Joan and I talked a bit on the phone.
She indicated that her daughter was treating her poorly. In her last voice mail she said she wanted to
be with Buster. Sadly Buster had to tell
Joan that it is better for her as it is.
Really though it was terrible for her.
She said her daughter limited her privileges. It was Aunt Joyce that helped Buster get overcome
the sadness of not being with Joan. Now that
Aunt Joyce has passed it is his niece Ahnika that is helping him overcome Aunt
Joyce. Aunt Joyce would be happy that Buster
is talking more with Ahnika.
Deal with God (DWG)
As far as Aunt Joyce in Buster’s Deal
with God (DWG) it is simple. She will
have the choice to share her heaven with the one(s) she chooses. This could be her husband for life Uncle Pat,
her unmarried daughter Joy, and anyone else she is warm about. Buster at this point feels he will get to
share heaven with his: Father, mother, Died Too Young (DTY) brother Craig, and
Joan his Most Significant Other Ever (MSOE).
For all practical purposes this report gets us about half-way through
his personal relationship with his Aunt Joyce.
May Joyce be in Peace.
Virtuosity
Up until 1997 Buster always held
his Aunt Joyce in the highest regard.
Then while Buster’s mother, Joyce’s sister and small business partner,
was passing away he began to detect some problems. Awareness sucks some times. For Buster Aunt Joyce’s virtuosity did not
begin to climb until 2013. For some
family members her virtues did not recover.
From 2013 to 2020 Buster ran his Boy Scouts of American (BSA) modified
virtue assessment on her. Unfortunately
our records show we did not have her evaluate Buster. We have to rely on Joan Buster’s Most
Significant Other Ever (MSOE) to determine Buster’s BSA Virtuosity. Our records show we ran the BSA Virtuosity
Screener on Aunt Joyce first on September 12, 2014. On that date she earned 47.5 with her Demonstration
of Virtue (DOV).
Buster Declared a Failure
In 2016 on April 20 she earned 65.8%, in 2016 on October 1 she earned 80.0%, and in 2018 on April 13 on she earned 85.8%. On November 30, 2021 almost a year after her passing we scored her post-mortem virtues at 91.7%. She would be an A- Great Scout Person (GSP). During Aunt Joyce’s final last year (2020) she said that Buster had failed in his overall college level school, his participation in the Cal State University at Fullerton secondary education teaching program, and with working in general. She did feel that Buster succeeded in his relationship with Joan. For all this Face-to-face (F2F) work we considered from 2012-2020 Aunt Joyce to be Buster’s Family Therapist. As a control value on September 12, 2014 Buster scored himself with a BSA Virtue scored of 77.5%.
Joan - MSOE
Now steps in Joan. On an unknown date in 2014 we had Joan score
Buster for the year of 2013. This for
both of them was a troublesome year.
Joan offered Buster a virtuosity score of 97.5%. Joan very often padded scoring up when she is
given the chance to be critical. Joan
told Buster on numerous occasions that he was the: “Most honest man that she
ever met”. Joan had been married with
children before Buster met her. At some
point she divorced her husband becoming a single mother of two girls. From 2015-2016 Buster gave Joan poor virtue
scores. Joan and Buster have been apart
since 2016. In 2016, Joan was rescued
from the hospital after a fall by her daughter and moved to Colorado. Buster and Joan talked on the phone a few
times before the lines went dark. Over
the phone from Colorado Joan indicated that she wished to “be with you”. We do not know Joan’s status. In 2016 she was deteriorating fast – she could
have passed. Just now we scored Joan and
reward her with a virtuosity score of 86.7%.
Much of the improvement is due to forgiveness and forgetting. We have not grieved Joan per-se yet: Because
in Buster’s Deal with God (DWG) we hope to see her again.
Joyce and Joy validate Joan’s Memory
Problems
Keith “Buster” Torkelson MS met
his Most Significant Other Ever (MSOE) Joan Zhorne sometime during 1998. They were both working for Brother
International Printer Division in Irvine California. Joan’s contributions were over-the-phone printer
Tech Support and Sales. She was very
good at sales yet was challenged by Tech Support. She had trouble remembering the fixes after a
supervisor outline them. Buster was
working at Order Entry and Sales Statistics.
As Buster and Joan got closer he noticed that she did not remember past
dates together very well. Because of
this Joan was very hard to Satisfy in general.
Then some fourteen years later he introduced Joan to his Aunt Joyce (JMB)
and his first-cousin Joy. They both
commented that Joan didn’t remember things.
At one point Buster gave both Aunt Joyce and Joan the Self-Administered
Gerocognitive Exam (SAGE) assessment.
Aunt Joyce in her late 80s out performed Joan in her early 70s. Buster consulted the local reps from Alzheimer’s
dot org on a few occasions. He kept
hoping that Joan could participate in their plans in common better.
Assessments
SAGE Assessment
Copyright © 2021 The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center
https://wexnermedical.osu.edu/brain-spine-neuro/memory-disorders/sage
“The Self-Administered
Gerocognitive Exam (SAGE) is designed to detect early signs of cognitive,
memory or thinking impairments. It evaluates your thinking abilities and helps
physicians to know how well your brain is working.”
“The following seven SAGE forms
are interchangeable. Only one test form should be used. It does not matter
which one you choose.”
Not active links
Result - SAGE
Joan V Joyce
On July 22, 2014 we offered the Self-Administered Gerocognitive Exam (SAGE) Form 1 for Joan to score. Most likely we offered it to Joyce in the same week. We quantified Joan’s results and awarded her a 78.6%. We are having trouble locating Joyce’s Exam yet we do know she scored quite a bit higher than Joan. Both Joyce and Joy indicated that Joan had problems remembering. The SAGE indicates she had a bit of trouble problem solving. Joan said on her SAGE (2014) that she “Only Occasionally” had any problems with memory or thinking. On a few occasions Buster discussed Joan’s symptoms and what he was doing to compensate with Reps from ALZ.org. They usually have a table at the conferences he attends.
Alzheimer's Association |
Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Help
Formed in 1980, the Alzheimer's Association is the leading voluntary health organization in Alzheimer's care, support and research.
Assessment - Result
For Buster
JMB Passed December 2020
Assessments
JMB Passed December 2020
For Buster
Update: 20211125-TH: Thanksgiving
Lessons Learned & FAQs
·
All old people do not wish to continue living
·
Death, the dying and the dead are pretty much
still unknowns
·
Define global spirit density
·
Determine if self-death is empowering or
stigmatizing
·
People should be provided a GoodBed to pass in
·
Pick who you would like to see in the afterlife
·
Some of our elderly are dying are in horrific
circumstances
FAQs
1. How
does this and previous reports contribute to Buster’s closure?
2. How
is it your most significant others ever (MSOE)?
3. How
it that you loved one makes you thinks about Death and Dying?
4. Is
having an auditory relationship with GOD still considered a symptom?
5. What
to do between controlled periods of grieving?
6. Who will come to you when you die?
What is next? – Structured
Temporal Reconciliation
Keith “Buster” Torkelson might
benefit by partially reconciling the Family-owned Business. At one point the family donated a cord-board
to the museum in Tustin. When Buster
dropped by the curator asked him for some provenance to go with the
cord-board. The cord-board was freed up
during our Tele-Links Exchange (TLX) Computerization and Move Project (CMP). Buster began as the project specialist. The project was closed by his cousin Joy
Brown. In the process the family went at
odds with each other. Buster is the only
member of the family that still talks with all family members. During their Fridays’ with JMB meetings
Buster and JMB repeatedly addressed the Family-owned and operated business
(FOOB). It was hard going for Buster and
at times’ semi-traumatic. We will focus mostly
on financial or fiduciary interests.
03_Tele-Links_Exchange_Financial_21112801_Closure-I
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